I'm ok and flying :)

Over the past two months, I was sick for 6 weeks -- extremely sick-- and it came at a time when my employer put me on one insanely unrealistic deadline after another. Because I couldn't work very much, I got behind, and my boss let me know that I was being perceived as "struggling" and "incompetent." Although I had missed a lot of days due to illness, and had even gone to the hospital, had doctors' notes, that didn't matter. All that mattered to my boss was that I had missed my deadlines. Now, the whole department -- individually -- is being raked over the coals because they too are "incompetent" and miss deadlines. It's ludicrous. But at least I don't feel as alone.

The positive side is that I have been flying more in the last week or two, and my instructor thinks I'm ready to solo! Another very positive thing is that Ken, my flight instructor, is very cute and single. We are becoming friends at work and at the airport. It would sure be nice if he decided to kiss me...

This week I had down time at work after I finished a project. I studied for ground school, but still failed the test dramatically: I probably only got 50% of the questions right. I've always been a top student, so I was devastated that my understanding was so poor. Yes, I was very sick during ground school and missed a lot of days there, too. But the poor results struck another blow at my fragile self-esteem. Then many of the pilots I know came to me and told me about the time they had failed ground school altogether the first time, or failed their FAA written exam, or failed the FAA practical portion of the checkride (couldn't do anything right in the air). After that, and a lot of encouragement by Ken, I got over my discouragement and picked myself up to study for the final in a week and a half.

But the bottom line is that I've discovered something I enjoy doing more than writing: flying. I never knew I would love it this much. Each week I wait impatiently until I get to go up again.

It's the middle of the night. I've got to go back to bed.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm not suicidal at all, totally not interested in hurting myself, am not depressed (certainly discouraged at work, though; but I'm even springing back from that), and am getting my health back.

Now if I could just find a guy that I like who would also like me back...

At one point, my boss told me that "Flying is not important and ground school is not important." Because flying is the only fun, positive, and self-esteem promoting thing that I am doing these days, I came home and burst into tears. I later told Ken about it, and he got mad. He's told a bunch of important people in the company about that. You see, I work for an aviation company that writes training materials for pilots. It only makes sense that the writers learn a lot about aviation and learn to fly. Even the president thinks that way. But not my department manager.