Broke up with F. -- :( Love sucks
It turns out that F. was too busy to see me this weekend. He had to wash his two cars, then go on a hike and think. That just didn't work for me. Plus, he was only seeing me once every 2-3 weekends, and the total time was getting shorter.
He was a gentleman about it, I'll give him that. He said it was absolutely nothing I did and had everything to do with how his feelings, which looked like they were there, turned out not to be. The longest he's been in a relationship is 5 years anyway. So though he was generous, it still hurt like hell. And I was the one calling it off. Or I should say, he was going to call it off a couple of weeks ago, but I convinced him to give it a little more time. But I did the actual breaking up. And he agreed that it was the right decision.
So why am I feeling so extremely hurt? I hadn't fallen in love with him, though I had fallen in like with him. I made the mistake of writing my feelings on paper. He started many letters in return, but tore them up. They were going to be dear Jane letters.
It's just that we were so perfect for each other in so many ways. The same interests, the same books, the same politics, both of us vegetarians, similar spiritual views, great physically matched. It all should have been there, and it was, except for his interest.
We are going to try to remain friends. He said that finding people that you can talk to you are rare events. He even wants to still go flying with me when I get my pilot's license. And he wants to hear about my first flight tomorrow morning. I don't know if I'm up to that. And he said that he often was a catalyst for relationships that formed soon after someone had been with him. There is actually a guy that I'm talking to most seriously on eHarmony (that's how I met Frank). And this new guy and I are going out for a couple of drinks on Monday after work. We've already had very honest, intimate, practical conversations. He's looking for his LAST relationship. So am I. He was the one who was in a relationship with the other person losing interest, just like me.
It was because I could see the writing on the wall with Frank, and because I wanted to give this new opportunity guy a clean shake that I broke up with Frank now. Frank still wants to talk a couple of times a week. And he said that he couldn't keep up a physical relationship with me and be honest emotionally with himself.
Love and life are hard and can be very painful. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. But I really do want to find a mate. Not second best, but a mate that is truly good for me, complementary to me. J. is an accountant, and I am a disaster financially. So that would help. And he certainly seems sincere in his interests.
What about work? It was hard to concentrate because of breaking up with Frank. I told a couple of friends at work -- guys -- and they said that Frank was stupid and were just generally very supportive of me, and told me I was brave to have broken it off with F. That helped a little. You can't make someone have feelings for you when they don't, and I guess that is DBT Radical Acceptance.
It doesn't hurt any less, even if it was the right thing to do. A guy like Frank is one in a billion. But he's not the last fish in the sea. I've been pretty impressed with the quality of relationships that eHarmony has turned up. So I guess I'll stay with them a while longer--at least until I start ground school, and possibly as late as wehn my new graduate quarter starts in October. I won't have much time for relationships then. But maybe this new one will have gotten a good start.
And this new guy lives MUCH closer, and has similar eary work hours as I do.
My new P-nurse (not very good) cut me off of all of Abilify. Yeah! No more anti-psychotics. Ane she's cutting down on the prozac since I already take Wellbutrin. I really don't like this P-nurse. She's not very good at prescribing. I may go back to my regular doctor from here on out. Getting off of Prozac should be pretty easy, except it might cause more anxiety.
But my dogs love me, And I've gotten great responses from you guys. I really appreciate it. And my friends have been very supportive too. One ste at a time. I'm going to go distract myself with the news. Maybe J will call tonight. I emailed him a couple of long emails, but told him that since I was a writer and he wasn't, he shouldn't try to keep up with the sheer quantity of it. He likes to call and answer questions.
Wish me luck. I'm going to miss Frank in a big way.
He was a gentleman about it, I'll give him that. He said it was absolutely nothing I did and had everything to do with how his feelings, which looked like they were there, turned out not to be. The longest he's been in a relationship is 5 years anyway. So though he was generous, it still hurt like hell. And I was the one calling it off. Or I should say, he was going to call it off a couple of weeks ago, but I convinced him to give it a little more time. But I did the actual breaking up. And he agreed that it was the right decision.
So why am I feeling so extremely hurt? I hadn't fallen in love with him, though I had fallen in like with him. I made the mistake of writing my feelings on paper. He started many letters in return, but tore them up. They were going to be dear Jane letters.
It's just that we were so perfect for each other in so many ways. The same interests, the same books, the same politics, both of us vegetarians, similar spiritual views, great physically matched. It all should have been there, and it was, except for his interest.
We are going to try to remain friends. He said that finding people that you can talk to you are rare events. He even wants to still go flying with me when I get my pilot's license. And he wants to hear about my first flight tomorrow morning. I don't know if I'm up to that. And he said that he often was a catalyst for relationships that formed soon after someone had been with him. There is actually a guy that I'm talking to most seriously on eHarmony (that's how I met Frank). And this new guy and I are going out for a couple of drinks on Monday after work. We've already had very honest, intimate, practical conversations. He's looking for his LAST relationship. So am I. He was the one who was in a relationship with the other person losing interest, just like me.
It was because I could see the writing on the wall with Frank, and because I wanted to give this new opportunity guy a clean shake that I broke up with Frank now. Frank still wants to talk a couple of times a week. And he said that he couldn't keep up a physical relationship with me and be honest emotionally with himself.
Love and life are hard and can be very painful. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. But I really do want to find a mate. Not second best, but a mate that is truly good for me, complementary to me. J. is an accountant, and I am a disaster financially. So that would help. And he certainly seems sincere in his interests.
What about work? It was hard to concentrate because of breaking up with Frank. I told a couple of friends at work -- guys -- and they said that Frank was stupid and were just generally very supportive of me, and told me I was brave to have broken it off with F. That helped a little. You can't make someone have feelings for you when they don't, and I guess that is DBT Radical Acceptance.
It doesn't hurt any less, even if it was the right thing to do. A guy like Frank is one in a billion. But he's not the last fish in the sea. I've been pretty impressed with the quality of relationships that eHarmony has turned up. So I guess I'll stay with them a while longer--at least until I start ground school, and possibly as late as wehn my new graduate quarter starts in October. I won't have much time for relationships then. But maybe this new one will have gotten a good start.
And this new guy lives MUCH closer, and has similar eary work hours as I do.
My new P-nurse (not very good) cut me off of all of Abilify. Yeah! No more anti-psychotics. Ane she's cutting down on the prozac since I already take Wellbutrin. I really don't like this P-nurse. She's not very good at prescribing. I may go back to my regular doctor from here on out. Getting off of Prozac should be pretty easy, except it might cause more anxiety.
But my dogs love me, And I've gotten great responses from you guys. I really appreciate it. And my friends have been very supportive too. One ste at a time. I'm going to go distract myself with the news. Maybe J will call tonight. I emailed him a couple of long emails, but told him that since I was a writer and he wasn't, he shouldn't try to keep up with the sheer quantity of it. He likes to call and answer questions.
Wish me luck. I'm going to miss Frank in a big way.
posted by borderline savvy at 4:38 PM
2 Comments:
Aw shit, I'm sorry I'm just seeing this post today!
I ran across your blog completely by accident but something caught my eye and I read the Aug. 4th entry about Frank. Although it's none of my business, and you don't know me at all, I just went through something similar. I will spare you the details but here's the thing I think you're getting jipped on. The person who broke up with me told me that he thought I was great but that he didn't feel like his heart was in it. He is not trying to remain friends with me or keep in touch with me, even though, as you mentioned about Frank, our best connection was an intellectual/mental one. I respected this and feel like it is better for me to not need to try and be friends with him now, while I am trying to accept the fact that for him, there is no future in a relationship with me. I think that would have been something I would have tried, as my feelings for him were strong, but I know it would have just made me feel badly about myself and badly that he just wasn't into me.
I think that if Frank really does care about you, he will leave you alone and let you move on 100% without him. And he just may respect you more for cutting him loose, even though you may not want to.
Hopefully you don't mind my sharing these thoughts. I just think that sometimes we need the encouragement from others, even strangers, to realize that there is someone out there for you who will make you very happy, but people like Frank, at this point, may only be a barrier to you finding that other person.
I wish you the best.
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